the discussion is ongoing

Wow. Lots of varied perspectives on the Charlie & Sally saga.

Your response to their situation and the question tells a lot about who you are and how you were brought up.

Here’s one of the most interesting:

“I think that men generally minimize their hard work because so that people will be impressed with how hard they can work and not complain. How seemingly easy hard work is. Charlie would say “Ahhh… wasn’t that hard of a job. Sure wouldn’t turn down a cold beer though!”
Women have a tendency to exaggerate the difficulty of a task so that people will be impress with their ability to work hard. Sally might say “Today was a bear of a day. I don’t remember working so hard in a twelve hour period!”

John piping in again here: I’m fascinated by that response because it shows that both Charlie and Sally are looking for the same thing but going about it in two different ways. They are looking for appreciation. For a well deserved “attaboy/girl” from their mate.

My observation is that it’s interesting that both value acceptance and appreciation but need it expressed to them in totally different ways!

For example: If Sally said to Charlie “You poor thing. I don’t think you’ve ever worked that hard in a twelve hour period.” What do you think his response would be? (I’m especially anxious to hear the female perspective on this one).

Or… What would Sally’s response be if Charlie came in and said “Well, Sal… doesn’t look like your day was all that difficult.”

See what I’m saying?

Let’s keep talking about this one. I travel tomorrow so may not get to the blog. Hang in there and keep thinking! If you need to go back and read the original blog click HERE.

Hey… while you are here why not take another look at the John Schneider’s Smothered Official Trailer? I need to get the YouTube numbers waaaay up!

Doing a double day of T25 tomorrow before I get on a plane. Wish me luck! Although… I’m sure it won’t really be that hard. Yeah… right!

Schneider

18 thoughts on “the discussion is ongoing”

  1. I had an amazing Child Psychology professor in college. He taught us about kids, marriage, work relationships…all so good. Some of his gems that might’ve helped the Sallys & Charlies out there:
    – Before Sally says anything to Charlie about the day, she needs to make sure he’s fed. Hungry men can’t hear.
    – Be each other’s cheerleaders. Rivalry’s only fun when there’s a scorekeeper.
    – Sally…don’t make Charlie guess what you’re thinking. He can’t.
    – Charlie…don’t play insecurity games. Security is at the top of the Sally’s list of real needs. She needs to know that, yes, she really did work hard.
    – Sally sometimes needs to say things out loud just to get them out of her head. Charlie probably wants to fix things, so he’ll end up giving ideas & thoughts to remedy what happened during Sally’s day. These two approaches often land in the same place at the same time, & it doesn’t usually go well.
    – Charlie most likely thinks on a single track. (Hence Charlie sees the day as a list of single events handled.) Sally carts the whole freight yard around in her head. (Hence Sally sees the whole day as one big event, and she’s pooped!)
    – So Sally & Charlie…eat first. Tell each other about your days & go collapse with something mindless.

  2. Ugh! Menopause is a dirty word for me right now! I agree with John, mates should compliment each other on things they do instead of nit picking at each other. I don’t know what that’s like on a personal level, but I am sure there are couples out there somewhere that say nice things about each other. I know you & Elly do. My grandparents did.

  3. Perhaps Sally perceives her day as very hard because she really wants to be at home and wishes she didn’t have to work. Perhaps Charlie perceives his day as not-so-difficult because he enjoys what he does and feels satisfaction in working.

  4. Before I can answer the question of what Sally may say. We need to learn a little about her so here goes. Sally is the woman who when she was a girl the biggest dream she had was to a wife and a mother just like her mother and grandmother before her. Now that Sally is all grown up ad she is married to the greatest man in the world in her eyes and that man is Charlie. She is a very proud mother of a very handsome son Richard and beautiful daughter Michelle she also includes they family pets as her children there puppy Sparky, there kitten Sassy and the
    sand crab Sandy that Michelle had to have on there trip to Nags Head NC . last summer. Now in Sally’s mind here family if perfect including her there is 7 members to the family and the number seven in the bible means complete
    Now we know a little about Sally we can answer the question How would Sally respond to this . Well it doesn’t look like your day was at all that difficult? Ask by her husband Charlie. I am sure that Sally’s response ti this question would be this .she would say “CHARLIE”! No my day was not to difficult for me but, Charlie you could not have done 1/3 of what I did in 2 hours you could not have done in in 24 hours! Charlie by no means am I saying that you are week. It is just that the thing that I do every day is just what a mom does best. And that is what I am a Mom and I am very proud of that title. Charlie: she says with a bit of excitement in her voice . Up to this very moment I thought that I needed you to realize what I do in this family and that you would thank me for all the little thing that I do for this family (my family). But at this very moment I realized that I am thanked every day in face of Richard when he made the winning shot in the homecoming game how proud I was at that moment. Or when Michelle comes in to the kitchen with her baby doll, and with those big blue eyes and with so much excitement in her voice she says to me I hop that I am as a good mommy when I grow up as your are Mommy. My heart just melted to jelio . Or it may come from Sparky or Sassy when I give then treats. So just now Charlie I realize that I am the one who needs to be thankful and thankful I am to the one gives me the strength each day to do the little things for my family, and it will makes the bigger things possible. So at this moment I bow my head and thank God for my family and the little things and for the sound of the word “MOM”! What a great word..

    I believe that Charlie would say something like this. yes Sally you are right I have not done much around here in the last several mounts . But that is going to change right here right now I am going to here a lot more to help you Sally with the small things and together we can get to the big things. Sally you are the best Mom in the world and I want to a better Dad for the family…

  5. lol Your Right about menopause ,I went through it early,Because I had Trouble Carrying and Delivering My Children and Well the Doctors Cut and Burnt My Tubes and that threw me into Early menopause,10 Years Later I had to Have a hysterectomy,I remember it all to well.But,as for Men keeping things to their Self,I didn’t Know that Men did that until a few Years ago,My Dad Was very loud with every thing,And at time Very Physical..It was us Ladies that Kept our Mouth shut about things.So I have to agree that It Must have some thing to do with how one is raised as to How One shows emotions,I’m not real good At showing my Feeling at all. So,You can Bet wen I do I’m out of my Comfort Zone..And I never assume any thing.

  6. Some women do exaggerate what they do. I know I don’t. I would like to see Sally work a full time job along with her running around. I have to save my running around for my days off, so it doesn’t really feel like I’ve had rest on some weeks. My boyfriend brags when he mows the yard or takes out the trash. I like what Jeff Foxworthy said in his act….”a woman can be out paving the driveway, the man will empty an ashtray, and the man can be so worn out he has to take a nap and expect the woman to fix him something to drink.” Funny on Jeff’s part, but very true. I wasn’t raised that way. but that’s what I’ve observed in my life.

  7. I need to do the t25. My new work schedule is hectic as I travel a lot. Where can I get more info on that?
    Also, I think everyone’s perspectives are certainly different, but one thing remains the same, everyone wants to be appreciated.

    1. Click on Health and Fitness over on the left of my blog and search “Insanity” on my fitduke site. T25 should be the first thing that comes up. If you decide to do it you will also get a video and email from me every day to help push you along in your T25 journey.

      It’s a tough 25 minutes and it works great. I’ve lost 12 pounds on it and am starting to build back up again now.

  8. My opinion on the Sally said to Charlie is: It would depend on what tone she had in her voice at the time..He may take it as a (Compliment) or take it as (Sarcasm)….As a Compliment: “Thanks Dear..Now I’m gonna get a shower & a Cold Beer & relax”…As Sarcasm: Charlie is thinking & might even say “Sally..You don’t have to be such a “SMART ASS”!

    My opinion on the Charlie said to Sally is: She may think he doesn’t appreciate what she does in a day…Sally may say: ” Just because I didn’t chain a stump,rake up leaves & clean out a gutter doesn’t mean I didn’t have a difficult day…So you know what you can do Charlie…”KISS MY ASS”!!!

  9. Can a throw a different view in. I think in general women feel undervalued a lot. Sally’s day is taken for granted that she just does it all. Charlie I think would make a point to point out what he has done so he get appreciation. Just from my experience if I clean the house no one really notices. My husband will say if I mention it “Well it always looks clean so I never noticed If he were to cut the grass for example. I would, notice and mentioned it and I would thank him. Do you see what I mean?
    And if I were Sally and Charlie said that to me he would be in big trouble.
    Good Luck with T25 and all you do ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Forgot to say before if Sally said that to Charlie I think he’d think she was mocking him. Not being serious. If I made a comment like that to my husband he would give me a funny are you serious look. All the best with Smothered. I am visiting youtube now to view it

  10. My answers tend to always come from a place of gratitude and that has to do with my parents being such hard workers. Now my mom was raised in Missouri and my dad in Michigan. Both had hard working parents and both continued the tradition. Neither are complainers and since my folks never had any boys, I got to do some of the fun jobs that might normally be a male role. I would have to say that men come from a place of PRIDE. They seldom want to show a chink in the armor. For example, my neighbor out shoveling snow at 83 after having a heart by pass this Summer. My dad at 74 still works because he enjoys the day to day activities. He retired and then bought back his company… long story. Now, my mom does not like to show weakness either, I get that from her. I think women handle stress by talking to girlfriends. I think guys keep emotions bottled up and don’t vent as much. Does that make sense? I myself have the tendency to gloss over things and diminish the appearance of their difficulty for me. I think we all have an element of pride that we want to hang on to. I tend to disagree with a woman exaggerating. However, we all draw upon our own experiences. Maybe Sally really did have a long exhausting day… maybe she has menopause on top of everything else. LOL Yes MEN should PAUSE before saying too much to a woman of a certain age. They might really find out what venting is all about. LOL Anyway, those are my thoughts! ๐Ÿ™‚

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